Grieving processes of suicide
Ann Hofmann
staff writer
Suicide is a powerful word. It evokes
powerful and often over-whelming
feelings in those who identify with it. The
survivors of a suicide grieve a loss like
any other loss.
There is, however, a stigma attached to
suicide which makes it more difficult to
deal with than other types of death.
People often do not know how to respond
to a suicide or the survivors of a suicide.
Bereaved people, especially survivors,
need the support, love and concern of their
relatives and friends.
Ray of Hope by Betsy Ross deals with
grief after suicide. Persons dealing with
the suicide of a loved one go through a
number of stages.
The first stage is questioning.
Everyone wants to know why--why did it
happen, why did it happen to their loved
one? Mary Jones, a counselor at the
Augustana Wellness Center commented,
"Survivors may become obsessed with
finding out why the suicide happened."
People also want to know how it happened
and where it happened.
The second stage is shock. People do
not want to believe that a suicide has
happened. Grief is sometimes so painful
that it is easier to deny the suicide ever
happened rather than face it and deal with
it. When in shock, people make
statements such as "I don't believe it" and
"It can't be true."
Anger is the third stage identified by
Ross. During this stage survivors
experience fears that they cannot control.
Feelings of abandonment and rejection are
also common at this stage.
These feelings are stronger with a
suicide than with other types of death
because in a suicide the person chooses to
die and leave their loved ones behind.
Survivors need to resolve their feelings of
anger by forgiving the suicide and
forgiving themselves.
Guilt often follows anger. People feel
responsible for the suicide of a loved one.
Discussing the signs of suicide with a
survivor is not helpful since the suicide is
a fact. Telling a survivor that there must
have been signs only lays more guilt on
them. Survivors seek to purge their guilt
through penance. Survivors do not need to
hear "it was an accident"; they need to
deal with the fact that the suicide occurred.
It is not helpful or necessary to give
reasons for a suicide.
Remembering is another stage of the
grieving process. During this stage,
survivors must remember the suicide
victim. These memories may be both
positive and negative.
The Boulder, Colorado Hospice writes
that grieving survivors have a need to tell
and retell and remember things about the
loved one and the experience of their
death.
All the stages build on one another, but
survivors do not always proceed through
them in an orderly manner. Jones said,
"Grief is not a linear process. Parents who
have had a child commit suicide may be
walking through the mall, and hear their
son or daughters favorite song. That can
throw them right back into anger and
denial." Survivors often jump back and
forth between one or more of the stages.
A number of emotions and behaviors
are associated with grief. People may cry
at unexpected times. Survivors of suicide
may isolate themselves. They may assume
mannerisms or traits of their loved one.
They may have an empty feeling in their
stomach and lose their appetite. Moods
may change at the slightest things.
Survivors may have trouble sleeping and
dream of their loved one frequently.
The Boulder, Colorado Hospice states
that all of these behaviors are natural and
normal grief responses. It is important to
cry and talk with people when one needs
to do so. People need to deal with suicide
and the emotions it provokes.
Dealing with suicide has positive
outcomes. Suicide teaches survivors
forgiveness. It may increase spirituality.
Suicide may give survivors a higher regard
for life and greater enjoyment in being
alive. According to the hospice, dealing
with suicide and the grief it brings, enables
people to arrive at a healthy readjustment
of their lives.
Survivors of Suicide is a group which
deals with grieving over suicide. The
group is facilitated by Jones. It meets
every Thursday night from 7-8:30 p.m. at
Family Service, 304 S. Phillips, Suite 300.
The group is free and open to the public.
People don't want advice as much as they need to air their
feelings in an accepting, non-judgemental, non-patronizing
atmosphere. We are able to discuss broken arms and legs
--Why not broken hearts?
--Eleanora "Betsy" Ross
Non-violence protest leader from
Middle East to speak at Augustana
Middle East this evening, and lecture series.
will , speak on the "Philosophy of On June 13, 1988, Palestinian
nonviolence in the Middle East" leader Awad was deported from
tomorrow in chapel. his homeland, Israel.
Admission to the presentations Born in Jerusalem in 1943, he
is open to the public and free, came to the United States in 1969
courtesy of the concert and to study. Dissatisfied with the
Beth Saxvlk
Staff Writer
Non-violence protest leader
Mubarak Awad will be speaking
tonight in the Kresge Recital
Hall.
Awad will address peace in the
treatment of the Palestinians by
the Israeli government, Awad
returned to his country in 1983
with an American citizenship and
a strategy for a non-violent
protest.
He mobilized the Palestinian
children to raise native flags and
boycott Israeli products. He tried
to get the Palestinians to live
independent of the Israelis.
When the Palestinian uprising
in the West Bank and Gaza strip
began in late 1987, the Israeli
government sought to pin-point
and expel the leaders. Awad was
targeted as one such individual
and was imprisoned.
When imprisoned, he went on
a hunger strike, much in the spirit
of Ghandi. He was eventually
expelled, but his peaceful
movement continued.
He came to the United States
where he was the director of the
Palestinian Center for Non-
Violence in Washington, D.C.
Dr. Larry Brendtro, education
professor, met Awad when he first
came to the United States. At
that time, both were working at a
home for juvenile delinquents in
Ohio. "I knew him as someone
who was very talented in working
with young people--an educator,"
said Brendtro.
Brendtro finds it interesting
that it is the Palestinian youth
who are now fighting in Israel.
"Awad feels that it is their
generation that should have their
freedom," he said.
It is the efforts of these
children that is gaining sympathy
from the rest of the world, as well
as working to demoralize the
Israeli army. The soldiers begin
to wonder what they are doing
going up against children,
Brendtro said.
Although many feel that Awad
is hiding behind these children, it
is a part of his non-violent plan.
Awad cont. on
page 3
index:
--Building is excitement;
Habitat for Humanity
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- Augie students involved at
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--Meet Augie's record
breaking quarterback
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